Per Sandbergs dom

Toppolitikeren: Per Sandberg, nyvalgt nestleder i partiet som stadig er størst på meningsmålinger.

Ti år tidligere: Diskusjon mellom topppolitikeren og en asylsøker ender med at topppolitikeren først tar tak i det ene jakkeslaget til asylsøkeren, deretter det andre jakkeslaget. Deretter skaller topppolitikeren ned asylsøkeren slik at han begynner å blø, hvorpå han til tildeler asylsøkeren et knyttneveslag i ansiktet, så et knyttneveslag til og så enda ett. Det er bevist at asylsøkeren ikke gjengjeldte slagene.

Verdals herredsrett (23.01-97) idømmer Per Sandberg 3000 kroner i bot.

Grompias dom: Per Sandberg dømmes til å måtte tilbringe resten av livet på Gazastripen, innestengt på 1 x 3 mil blant en million andre mennesker, gjort avhengig av bistandsmidler, med rakettangrep fra helikopter annenhver kveld innimellom avbrudt av bombefly og tanks og med en stadig trussel om at en Caterpillar bulldoser skal gi hans hjem en god klem.

Har dog moralske kvaler fordi det ville vært forferdelig urettferdig mot palestinerne som har nok å stri med. Bedre forslag?

Kilde: Morgenbladet 5-11 mai 2006, s 44.
Bilde: nybombet hus i Gaza, juli 2004.

Hjemmeeksamenssukk

Tre dager. En oppgave. Et sett pensumbøker. Et sett forelesningsnotater etter så kjedelige forelesninger at det tar nuven av deg. En oppgavetekst som mesker seg i begreper som 'modernitet'.

Ideer til sountrack for ukens plaging organisert av institutt for medievitenskap tas imot med takk. Kun innspill på dypt sørgmodige, gjerne dysfunksjonelle låter er ønsket. Munterhet kan bli tatt ille opp.

Ville Vest (kant)

Hvem sa at Oslo Vest er trygt? I mitt nabolag er det ganske skummelt.

En syk og ganske gal (kugal?!) ku gikk i dag amok, hundre meter fra der jeg bor. Hun var til behandling hos veterinærhøyskolen, da hun stakk av. Hun terroriserte barnehager og skadet flere folk fram til noen fanget henne med en lasso(!). Nå er hun tilbake i Veterinærhøyskolens varme favntak. (Bilde: CB)

Nabolaget er rystet av hendelsen og jeg grøsser ved tanken på at jeg syklet forbi åstedet to ganger i går. Tenk om jeg hadde blitt kvestet av en ku! Så nedverdigende.

Utfordring: Noen som har hardere nabolag enn dette?

Hear the bells?

Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankinde; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls: It tolls for thee (Ernest Hemmingway)

Words written about a situation long ago can make one think of a situation today.

The picture is taken around six in the morning. Palestinians try to get to work through a temporary gap in the separation wall, but are stopped by Israeli soldiers. Some get through, if their papers are 'right', but most have to turn back and try to find another place to cross, or they try later, hoping the soldiers are gone.

- You know, it's the life , sais Mohammed. His wife tries to go through the wall to get to work every day.

Rask prosess vs seigpining

Tatt trøndertesten. Mitt score: 46.

Score 36-48: "MODERAT FINTRØNDERSK" / "DANNET TRONDHEIMSMÅL". "Ditt talemål er en 'dannet' trondhjemsk dialekt, men du har også innslag av 'breie' dialektformer."

Sukk. Jeg vil IKKE være fintrønder. Hvis det er denne veien det går kan jeg kanskje bare bytte til Østlandsdialekt med en gang. En rask prosess heller enn sakte seigpining? Jeg lurer dessuten på om Byåesendialekt lander på fintrønder også uten fem år i Oslo? Uansett nedslående resultat.

Leser gjerne trøstende ord og dine resultater.

Hurra for Jonas, Jo Stein og Liv Berit og 10. april

Jonas, min brors lille sønn ble født 10. april, i natt. To uker og en halv natt over termin.

Nå gleder vi oss til å treffe den lille og er vannvittig letta for at det er bra med ham og den tapre mamman etter en tøff fødsel:)

Barnets farmor og tante satt noen hundre meter fra der det foregikk, Ullevål sykehus. Vi satt og ventet mens informasjonen strømte inn gjennom natta. Nervepirrende timer og enorm glede og lettelse når vi fikk vite at alt var i orden. Historiens sus og vakkert at ny verdensborger endelig er her.

Ser ut til å være slektas dag, 10. april. Det er bursdagen til Aurora og Jonas, mamma og pappas første to barnebarn, og min eldste broder Jo Stein. Gratulerer med dagen alle tre og alle andre! Og hurra!

My brother's baby was born last nigth, his name will be Jonas and all is well with him and the mom:D

Lunchpackeatingtune (matpakkespisevisa)

Matpakke - Lunchpack. Often wrapped in paper, small plastic bag or lunchbox (se text below for info on matpakke content).

People from other countries seem fascinated by the Norwegian matpakke. Here is a loose translation of a beloved Norwegian song on this phenomenon, 'matpakkespisevisa' (lunchpackeatingtune).

'Lunchpackeatingtune
It isn’t fun to eat your food
When it is in a pack and not on a plate
The first slice of bread was with jam
It was stuck on the paper that flew with the wind

Then I was going to start with nr two
But it was eaten before because it was so good
The third slice was in two pieces
When one piece was eaten, the other had fallen down.

The forth was with mayonnaise and tomato.
The mayonnaise was squized out, the tomato was flat
The cheese on the last slice of bread
Was stuck under the last slice that I had eaten.

No it isn’t fun to eat your food
When it is in a pack and not on a plate.'

Many Norwegians have traumatic matpakke experience from school. After many years of ambivalence, I am back on the matpakketrack, and pride myself in making good matpakke inside lunchboxes. Does and dont's for matpakke are welcome in the comments section.

I det tenksomme hjørnet

'Vi skulle begynt på nytt
skulle visst det som vi siden har fått vite
skulle sett hva som var stort
og hva som var latterlig lite
Forsiktig skulle vi trådt
Ikkje så hastig, ikkje så brått
Ikkje så fri, ikkje fullt så forknytt
skulle vi begynt på nytt'


(Tekst KB, bilde JR)

Gjett dag

Min brors kone er gravid i litt over niende måned. Hun hadde termin på søndag (26. mars). Barnet er ennå ikke født. Vi venter i spenning og jeg gleder meg til å bli tante (igjen). Jeg har derfor lyst til å initiere en slags veddekonkurranse om hvilken dag barnet blir født. Den som treffer på riktig dag får heder og ære og kanskje premie. Jeg tipper fredag 31. mars. Hva tipper du? (Fasiten blir selfølgelig lagt ut når den er klar).

Makabert?

Har akkurat fylt ut organdonasjonskort. 'Lurt', tenkte jeg og hadde ingen kvaler, helt til jeg så at man må orientere to pårørende for at det skal være gyldig. Finnes det lite makabre måter å orientere to pårørende om at man vil at de skal donere bort organene dine når du dør?

Oh no!

I have done the new Pride and Prejudice tests of which of the Bennet sisters I am and who I will end up with:

The sister: "You are Lizzie. You are bright and lively and enjoy a good time, but you're also wise enough to know when it's better to bite your tongue."

(Lizzie is cool. I like Lizzie. Lizzie gets Darcy. Nice quiz.)

The man: "Your perfect man is Mr Wickham. You fall for the sweet-talking charmer every time. You'd never be able to resist a cad like Wickham."

(I don't want Wickham! I hate slimy Wickham! I blame the quiz. A very bad quiz.)

You try (see side menu), and let me know who you are and who you will end up with! Only one try allowed!

Name the coach

It’s my ‘new’ coach (see picture). Comfortable, perfect size, perfect price, perhaps a bit more heavy to transport up four floors than the ideal, but anyway; Hurrah for cheap but nice stuff on www.finn.no and; Hurrah for this coach getting a new chance at life, and not ending up in a pile of garbage just yet.

When I buy something new, I like to give it a name. I am open to suggestions for names for the coach. When the name is ready I am ready for a moving-into-my-new-room-that-now-has-a-coach-and-is-therefore-also-a-living-room-party!

Racism anyone?

Believe it or not, the first and only Norwegian civilian being hurt in the so-called Mohammed caricatures case turned out to be a guy of Palestinian origin who was stabbed in the neck in Skien by a group of drunken Norwegians. Before giving him a 7 cm deep cut in the neck, they mentioned something about burning flags. They were not referring to HIM burning Norwegian flags; he was just a guy on his way home from work. They were referring other people who looked a bit like this guy who was burning some flags on another continent at the time.

I am analyzing what Norwegian media wrote about it. Funny how they chose to almost not mention it and to call the incident 'typical Norwegian drunken fighting’ [typisk norsk fyllebråk] (VG 06.02.2006: 7). Nice to know that Norwegian media think that attacking people because they look like they might be a Muslim is 'typical Norwegian drunken fighting'.

Picture: grompia wearing hijab Palestinian style in the occasion of the international day against racism.

Fritt etter Partisekretæren

Dette vi jeg si med hele kroppen, med understrekning og i hermetegn: Det lurer en rev i hjørnet (basert på tale fra Partisekretæren 18. mars 2006).

Er dette starten på en ny talestil? Er det neste vi får høre i taler eller i samtaler: 'dette vil jeg si i med smilefjes som blunker, med understrekning dog i kursiv'? Eller: 'dette sier jeg i parantes men med venstre hånd og understrekning'?

Jeg er for å videreutvilke denne formen. Legg gjerne inn innspill på fine måter å bruke tekstredigeringsutrykk i taler og samtaler for øvrig. Faktiske sitater med eksempler fra Partisekretæren på denne taleformen tas imot med takk.

Snoozing difficulities

Moving your stuff to a bigger room may lead to unexpected difficulities. Putting the mobile phone with alarm clock on the same furniture as it used to stay on in the smaller room may lead to quite long walks (several meters each way for each snooze) and cold feet if you end up snoozing your way through the morning, particularly if you are too tired to realise that you can simply move the mobile phone closer.

Snoozing must NOT be confused with Snus: Tobacco placed (most usually) under over lip. Snoozing is delaying the alarm clock so you can sleep "just ten more minutes".

Moving (a bit)

Strange to move, even if the new room is only four meters away, and even if it has the same coulours and mainly the same view as before. I will have double the space but the exact same stuff. Just more spread. Just like butter scraped over a bit more bread. Weird.

This morning, melancoly of it being the end of the last night of sleep in this particular room where I stayed for two and a half year made me stay in bed extra long (always nice to have an excuse).

Gaffa use

I recently gave a home made gaffa tape (also known as ducktape) wallet to a friend. While he used it, a woman showed him that she was wearing gaffa tape shoes.

I know of red and green gaffa tape. I know of roses made of gaffa tape, and I have heard of a gaffa hat. And what does it in fact tell you about a person if they use gaffa shoes, gaffa wallet or gaffa hats?

Do anyone have any good ideas for what I can make with the gaffa tape i have bought? What can (or should) gaffa tape NOT be used for?

The ultimate Trønder

Trønder - English dictionary part 3.

Åge = the singer Åge Aleksandersen (among the Trønder community known only as Åge). A central cultural concept for Trønders. Can be said to be the personification of the Trønder identity.

Åge had a quite remarkable bart in his time (see picture from 'Levva Livet' [living life] cover). He has also written songs for Rosenborg (Trønder footballteam) and about drunkenness, thus linking important cultural traits of the Trønder identity together.

Åge has recently said: ‘Under Gods eyes, we are all Trønders' [Under Guds åsyn e vi all trøndera] to a cheering crowd (of Trønders) in Oslo.

I have on several occasions tried to make foreigners, among them an American, a Jordanian and a Greek look at a concert DVD of Åge and have gotten much less enthusiasm than expected. Non-Trønder Norwegians are even worse and often flatly refuse to look at Åge DVDs or listen to his music at parties.

The only possible conclusion: Non-Trønder people envy us Åge.

Boiling clothes

What I will remember from the International Womens Day 2006 (yesterday) was my visit at John's place. The visit in which he by accident boiled all his beloved clothes.

He had waited too long to wash his clothes so all the jeans, t-shirts, everything, went into the same mashine. He was in a hurry and did not see that he turned the washing mashine on 90 degrees censius. Boiling temperature.

After about an hour, the disasterous mistake was discovered. The mashine was still boiling the clothes and the mashine could not be turned off. The clothes were trapped! John was devestated. I was devestated on his behalf.

We had a soundtrack of Scotich sackpipes (sekkepiper) playing Amacing Grace when we left together to see the results. The athmosphere was loaded with grief and fear. I tried to comfort John, but it was useless. I moved in first. - Tried to protect John from the terrible sight of his clothes. Would they be broken, miscoloured? We opened the washing mashine. Took out one thing after another. Scared of what we would discover.

But! To our surprise, happiness and relief, the clothes were not broken. Not miscoloured and apparently in the same size as when they entered the mashine. Even the Labour Party election campaign t-shirt had not made everything red.

John was lucky this time. His beloved clothes were still alive. It was a miracle. Still, I fear John will never be the same. The fear of loosing all the clothes he loves, has it broken something in him, something that can never be repaired?

After this experience we, John and I, have a message to all of you out there:

Be careful about what washing program you use for your clothes!

The Trønder Identity

Trønder - English dictionary part 2.

Trønder = Person from North or South Trøndelag, the regions placed in the centre of Norway. Bart, together with drunken cheering for the Trondheim football team Rosenborg (RBK), listening to Åge and the dialect ‘Trønder’ constitute the requirements for achieving the Trønder identity.

Trønders in general should also have at least one of the folloing items in their house (or at least in their heart): a picture of Ivers, some crowns from your mom, a map that shows where you are from in the world, two Lysholmer beer and a RBK shirt (From "Et bilde av en Ivers" by Åge).

Trønder identity is not linked to skin colour or ethnicity; it is an inclusive identity you can achieve if you acquire most of the characteristics listed above. Some, such as women with low frequency of facial hair are excluded from the bart growing and others, such as the mute may be excluded from having the Trønder dialect. This does not exclude them from the Trønder identity. Not liking Åge, however would be more problematic...

I am a Trønder and a part of the Trønder diaspora population in Oslo. We are, I am proud to say, one of the groups in Oslo who are most eagerly keeping our coulture and hoping to someday return to our Homeland: Trøndelag.